mywayortheiweigh

My journey through weight loss. This time, we're doing it my way!!

Sadness depart; leave gladness in my heart February 6, 2014

Filed under: Thoughts and Things... — ladyashton @ 8:49 am
Tags: ,

candleSometimes I am awash with an overwhelming sense of sadness. It comes out of nowhere and completely knocks me over. If you were to ask me “what’s wrong?” or “why are you sad?” I wouldn’t be able to answer you. I just don’t know.

 

Tonight is one of those times.

 

I was fine all day at school; no problems, no worries. In fact, I had a really good day. I’ve been teaching Othello to my IB1’s and they seem to be enjoying it, which of course, makes me very happy.

 

So why do I feel so very sad?

 

If I am honest with myself, I know I am upset that Adam is leaving for Nepal next Thursday. He is taking some students on a service trip and he’ll be gone for ten days. I don’t relish the idea of being without him for so long. Call me a romantic, but I look forward to our evenings together, once our daughter is in bed and we can just enjoy each other’s company. Even after nearly twelve years of marriage, I can still say that he is my best friend. I will miss him while he is gone.

 

Of course, that is not the only reason why I am sad. If I am really honest with myself, I know I am struggling with being “mindful” all the time. Last night, I lost my temper a bit when I was out running. I saw a couple ahead of me walking leisurely and I was gaining on them. I yelled “excuse me,” but they didn’t move. As I got closer, I repeated myself, but still no movement from said couple. I was practically running them over (no pun intended) when I sarcastically said “excuse me!” and pushed one of them out of the way. I felt terrible. I also felt angry that they provoked me to respond this way. But did they? Did they really? Perhaps they didn’t hear me. Perhaps they were so engrossed in their conversation that they didn’t realise I was coming up behind them like a bat outta hell.

 

No, I’m pretty sure they were just ignorant.

 

But this upsets me. It upsets me that I actually pushed someone; even worse, it upsets me that I allowed myself to be taken in by frustration. I am sure a lapse in mindfulness is normal, but as someone who is determined to observe the best in those around me, it feels like a setback. While I am sure I will be back to my effervescent self tomorrow, right now, all I need is a good cry. I need to release all the negative emotions and make room for more positive ones.

 

Deep breath. One more. Deep breath. One more time. Deep breath.

 

Sigh.

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2 Responses to “Sadness depart; leave gladness in my heart”

  1. Ibrahim Says:

    Mrs. Ashton! I just wanted to say I really enjoyed your blog, and I miss youu! 😦 Sometimes I wish I could go back to being that kid in your english class. The discussions we had were truly priceless and something about that class made it truly memorable (something good, i think :p) No matter how old I grow, i’m sure what we learned in that class will always be a part of me. I’m going to be a doctor soon and it feels really weird. A lot of students emerge as cocky, self-righteous, son of a guns towards the end….it’s good to know I haven’t lost sense of my humanness (at least I think I haven’t) The field of medicine is in many cases a “battle-of-the-egos”. But I guess it’s good not to lose sense of the larger picture, the part where you save human lives and alleviate pain. I’ve also been involved politically recently with this whole Arab Spring taking place. Lol i know things got messy. I expected this to end much better without a civil war in syria, a military coup in egypt, and more oppression of freedoms here in Kuwait. But I don’t think it has ended yet. One day I hope to see an Arab world where people speak freely, are granted basic human rights and prosper in liberal democracies. For now it remains a dream. Looking forward to meeting up with you, Mr. Ashton, and Ella one day! Send my salutations to all 🙂

    Forever your student,
    Ibrahim

    • ladyashton Says:

      Ibrahim, thank you so much for your kind and thoughtful post. I am always amazed when former students get in contact to tell me how they are doing or what they are currently working on. I’m so happy you have kept in touch after so many years. Adam and I are very proud of your accomplishments. The Middle East needs more young, progressive citizens like yourself to make it a more happy, peaceful, and diverse place to live.
      I am looking forward to seeing you graduate from medical school. Even though we won’t be there, we would truly enjoy seeing your pictures. Please continue to keep in touch; keep writing, keep caring, keep loving.

      Forever your teacher,

      Uzay Ashton


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